God's Plan vs Mine

"Are you excited Maggie? What are you going to be doing? How many people are going to be on your team? Are you scared?" Were all things that I was asked while preparing for my missions trip to Uganda, and to be honest, I had no idea. I knew that I was going to Uganda to serve and share the gospel. Little did I know, God had a much greater plan than I could even fathom at the time. 

I flew out of Chicago on a Monday evening and arrived in Amsterdam early on Tuesday morning. I waited in the airport for a few hours, waiting for the rest of the team to arrive. I had been anticipating this moment for quite some time and was excited and nervous, all at the same time. After about three hours, Morgan messaged me, saying that she had arrived. We met up and I excitedly asked "so when is the rest of our team arriving!!?" She began to laugh and told me that it was only us on our team. This was the beginning of a friendship that God has been planning for quite some time, a friendship that would transform my experience in Uganda completely. 

We landed in Uganda late on Tuesday night, and were greeted by two of the eight interns, Sarah and Lexi. It began to set in that I was going to be in this place, with these people for the next 3 weeks. Anyone who knows me, knows that I can talk to a brick wall. I distinctly remember saying "I can tell we are going to become really good friends," as we pulled into our compound. 

I woke up the next morning with the same excited and nervous feeling all over again. When I met rest of the interns, they were warm, welcoming, and ready to share what they had already experienced during their time in Uganda. 

Meeting new friends shifted my focus before I could even realize that it was happening. I quickly went from relying solely on God, to relying on the interns that I had just met. They seemed to have it all down and I was clueless, following their every step until I could get into the groove of things. 

God knew I was not making this about Him, and tried to show me over and over. I was blind and refused to see that he was in everything that I encountered. 

Slowly, over the next few days, God began to pull away the new friends that I had made, one by one. I began to second guess everything that I did and said. What was causing them to drift away? What was causing me to feel so alone? 

When Saturday afternoon came, I hit rock bottom. I was confused and angry, and I had no idea what I did to deserve to feel so lonely. 

I prayed and prayed for God to restore my relationships. I just wanted to serve Him and didn't know why he was punishing me with the feeling of loneliness. 

Who is surprised? God had a plan.

I went on a trip to serve God, but wasn't. I was serving everyone around me and ignoring the plans that God had for me. 

After Saturday afternoon, everything looked up. The interns attitude toward me, had not changed since day one. 

It was my attitude towards God that changed since day one. 

What was causing them to seem so distant? God

What was causing me to feel so alone? God

Why was God doing this to me? Because God. 

God had to make me feel the way that I made him feel, in order for me to see the way that he feels every time that I make the life that He gave me, about me. It will never be about me. When everything goes as planned, it is so easy to forget that God is not even close to being done. We try to take control and shut Him out, but don't doubt that won't cause you to drown a little before he pulls you back up and reminds you who is in control. 

But remember, he will pull you back up, you just have to call on him. 

Now that I have returned, I am hearing a lot of: "Is it what you expected?" 

And the answer is no, Uganda is not what I expected.

I expected it to be my mission and God reminded me that it was His mission. 

When you are looking through His eyes, let me tell ya, it is a greater beauty than you could ever even imagine.